


Incident of the Lost Past

by eastwoodflemingfreak



Category: Rawhide (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt, F/F, F/M, Hurt, LGBTQ Female Character, Past Sexual Abuse, Rape, Strangers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-09
Updated: 2019-05-09
Packaged: 2020-02-29 01:14:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18768187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eastwoodflemingfreak/pseuds/eastwoodflemingfreak
Summary: Elissa Faulkner, a female bounty hunter, is searching for man, who, she knows, joined the Gil Favor outfit. She tries to get herself a job with the herd, trying to track down the outlaw.In an accident, caused by her horse, Rowdy, the ramrod, gets terribly hurt but no town and no doctor is around. The drovers blame Elissa for what happened and when it turns out that she's a bounty hunter, the first ones even threaten to kill her if Rowdy dies. Only Mr Favor seems to understand her...Will Rowdy make it? Will Elissa finish her job, though she got discovered? Will she stay a bounty hunter or will she change her life?My second Rawhide Story...Hope you'll enjoy. ;)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm already working on this fanfiction for quite a time, and thought, I could just publish it on here. Hope, you enjoy it. ;)

I smelled dust and cattle when I rode through the town. The disgusting smell of whiskey mixed into it, when I passed the saloon. I rode ahead, heading for the hotel. I tied down Salmon, my horse. I've never been good in riding horses, but Salmon had been with me since he was born and I raised him up, so he was used to my riding. I couldn't have ridden any other horse and he couldn't have had any other rider. Salmon was white but had some brown and orange spots. His mane and tail were also brown. He was tall, even for a horse, and muscle strings on his legs and neck were clearly visible.

My dirty hat pulled deep into my face, my spurs tingling at every step, and my hand, laying on the bottom of my revolver, I entered, smashing my hand on the ringing bell. A small man with a thin face and a mustache trippled through a door.  
"How can I help you, Sir?", he asked, his squeaky voice shaking slightly.

My dry and spread up lips crooked a smile. "A room, if it is no bother..." My voiced sounded scratchy and sick, probably because I had swallowed so much dust in the plains, I had been drifting throughout the past few days.

"Here's your key, Sir. You wish to pay now or later, when you check out again..."

"I'll pay later", I gave back, grabbing the key and heading up the stairs.

"It's room seven", the man squeaked after me. 

I turned around and nodded, then walked ahead. I got into a floor with only little light, but you could recognize the numbers written on the door in red paint.  
I reached room seven and locked it up.  
I entered and the first thing I did, was lighting up an oil-lamp that stood in the edge of the room on a little cupboard. I unbuckled my gunbelt and threw it on the bed, my head and coat followed, then I slipped out of my boots and unbuttoned my shirt. As I tried to slip it off, I winced and grabbed my shoulder. I didn't dare to look at it, but I knew, I had to, so I tried to rip off my sleeve, and at last managed to, revealing torn up skin.

Walking over to a mirror in the bord on the wall, I nestled my canteen loose.  
It burned as hell when I put my wetted bandana on the wound and started cleaning it up. I bit my lower lip, so I wouldn't yell out when I tightened the bandana around my shoulder, then I looked at me in the mirror.  
What I could see was a dusty, sunburned face, spread up, rough looking, but full lips, and a muscular, torn up shoulder. A lanky body, covered by a dirty button-up shirt, that was unbuttoned by now, revealing a muscular belly and a little cleavage of the normally well hidden breasts, and tight pants, that were covered with mud. My short, brown hair was dusty aswell and I didn't wash it for over a week. 

I splashed some water into that dirty face, taking another look at me. I aint even that ugly, I thought, running one hand through my tousled hair, then I fell back on the bed and closed my eyes, falling into a deep, dreamless sleep.

On the next day, I slept long and only when the sun began shining through my room's window, which was on the southern side, I at last woke up. I yawned and stretched my arms and legs, blinking into the light. I buttoned up my only one-sleeved shirt and pushed my feet back into my boots. Placing my hat back on my head and buckeling up my gunbelt, I went out on the street, heading for the sheriff's office.  
When I opened the door, a tall man with a handsome fave drove up from sleep.

"Hello, sheriff!" I tipped the brim of my stetson. "I have something for you."

He raised an eyebrow. "I don't see a corpse around here..."

I grinned. "Well, the corpse had been burried a few days ago. But I can prove, I've killed him."

"Alright", he nodded, "what's your proof?"

I pulled out a sheet of paper.  
"This here. It's a letter from the neighbour town's sheriff. It proves, what I say is true."

The sheriff grabbed the letter and read it, looking at me, when he was finished.  
"Looks as if I'd owe you fifty dollars."

I nodded and grabbed the money. While counting it, I asked: "You have something for me?"

The sheriff nodded and hand me a wanted post. I eyed it up then looked at the sheriff.

"Where can I find him?"

The sheriff got up and leaned on the desk's edge. "As far as I know, he's with a cattledrive that's just passing the town. Trail-boss is a... Mr Favor, I think. He's in town right now. You'll catch him and his ramrod most likely in the saloon." He tipped the brim of his hat. "Have luck."

I crooked a grin. "Oh, I don't need luck."

After that I walked outside and entered the saloon, which was the next building in the street, eyeing up the folks, that were into this disgusting place.  
I went towards the bar.

"Whiskey", I ordered.

The bartender poured some of the sharp liquid into a glass and before he could take the bottle away again, I had grabbed it.

"Just leave it here!"

He didn't say anything, just let go of the bottle and didn't care about me anymore. I poured one glass of whiskey down, thinking of my next 'case'. I pulled out a wanted post and looked at it. The description was really exact and I was sure, I could recognize the man, I was searching for real quick. When I turned around and eyed up the persons again, someone entered, his hat pulled back into his neck and his thumbs sticking in his gunbelt. His statue was tall and a bit lanky. He had short black hair and his handsome face and edgy chin was covered by dust and dirt. With tall steps he headed for the bar, his hazel eyes glancing around the saloon. As his eyes caught me, his look lasted a bit longer, before flying through the saloon again, until he had found, what he had searched for.

At first I thought the tall man was staring at a saloon girl that sat on a man's lap, then I realized, that it was the man he stared at. The tall man pulled out a cigarillo and lit a match on his shoe.

"You wanna have a whiskey?", the bartender asked.

"Oh, yeah, yeah...", the tall man replied. His voice was deep and sounded like a rolling thunder. 

He kept on watching the cowboy with the girl on his lap and as the barkeeper had hand him the drink, he walked towards him.  
"If this aint my dear ramrod", his rolling voice said threatening.

The smile vanished out off the cowboy's face as he saw his boss standing in front of him.  
"Uhm... Hello Mr Favor... What... What are you doin' here?"

"The same question I could ask you..." With a stare at the girl that just got up and was about to walk away, he added: "Well, actually there are obvious reasons..."

The ramrod grinned at his boss as he got up.  
"See, it was like this... I..."

"I don't wanna hear nothing about it!"

"But Wish, he..."

Mr Favor glared at his ramrod, an angry look in his eyes and the young man suddenly shut his mouth. He seemed to know exactly when not to try argueing with his boss.

Mr Favor began walking off and the ramrod followed after him, but as they passed me, I made a step forward, blocking their way.  
"Now what's that supposed to mean?", Mr Favor asked, audibly annoyed.

I glared at him, trying not to show how intimidated I was.  
"I heard you say something about a ramrod..."

Mr Favor rolled his eyes. "What did he do this time?"

I grinned. "He didn't do anything... I just figured, where a ramrod is, there's beef..."

The tall man in front of me nodded.

"And where beefs are you need drovers..."

He shook his head. "Oh no... I can't hire you!"

"Why Not?"

He rubbed his hand over his forehead and cheek. "Cause you're too young."

"What makes you think that?" I grinned. „I'm experienced enough!"

"Mhm... Sure..."

"What makes you think I'm not?"

"You just don't seem right to do the job."

I frowned. "Why that? I've sat on a horseback long enough to know how to drive cattle!"

Right as the trail-boss wanted to go ahead with argueing, the ramrod interrupted: "But Mr Favor... we're short handed and..."

"Will you shut up?", Mr Favor hissed.

"Please, Mr Favor! I need the money!", I begged.

He snorted. "Boy, I don't wanna take this responsibility!"

"Oh, please! I won't bother you! I swear!"

Mr Favor rolled his eyes, but then gave in: "Alright, alright, you're hired..." He shook my hand. "My name's Gil Favor. An' this is my ramrod Rowdy Yates."

Rowdy grinned and nodded as a greeting.

"Nice to meet ya. I'm Robert Faulkner. You can call me Rob."

Mr Favor crooked a smile, angrily sparkling at his ramrod. When Rowdy realized the stare he had gotten, he looked very puzzled. I tried to hold back a smirk that crawled up to my teeth, but I only firmly succeeded. 

"Now Rowdy, if you don't mind, get to Wish an' tell 'im to get the waggon ready. We'll head back to the herd as soon as possible."

Rowdy nodded and walked off, leaving Mr Favor and me behind in the saloon. I glared at the trail-boss.

"What dog did bite you?" 

He stared at me, confused. "Whatcha mean by that?"

"Why are you so mad at your ramrod?"

He shrugged and rubbed his jaw, at last giving back: "I don't think I owe you any explanation..."

"You're kinda mad at anyone, ain't ya?"

He chewed his lower lip and glared at me, his eyes clearly saying leave me alone, boy! Otherwise I'm gonna rip off your head!  
I smiled and walked towards the bar, followed by Mr Favor, who got right next to me.

"See, boy... I did..." - "I have a name!", I interrupted him.  
He nodded firmly, going on: "I didn't mean to offend you or anyone... But it's kinda stressful right now, so if it's no bother an' if you don't mind... We are to get the supplywagon rollin' an' a herd movin', so get your horse and get ready to ride out..." He started walking off but before leaving he turned around once more. "Uhm... When we're with the herd, Wish'll get you a decent shirt..."

"Wish?"

"Oh, our cook's name is Wishbone."

"Well, thanks."  
I slightly nodded and raised the corner of my mouth, passed Mr Favor while heading for the door and walked out on the street.

When I got to the hotel, I walked inside and took a deep breath. I didn't know what had gotten into me when I had seen Mr Favor. Nobody had ever managed to intimidate me and then... He only had to cross my path and I didn't know where my head was anymore. I headed up the stairs and locked up my room, collecting my things together, which weren't much, and took one last look in the mirror. Again I saw something strange. A girl, that looked like a man. Who had brown, dangerous sparkling eyes and didn't look like a nice person at all. And until now, I had never wanted to look pretty or nice. I had been a bounty hunter through and through. But now... Somehow I couldn't get this trail-boss's face out of my mind.  
I shook my head, trying to make the picture leave, and then walked down the stairs.

"How much is it?", I asked the hotel's keeper without any introduction.

"Five... Five Dollars...", he squeaked.  
I smashed the money on his desk and headed outside.

When I reached Salmon, I patted his neck. "Let's go, boy", I whispered into his ear and swung up on his back.  
"Now we'll hunt an outlaw."  
Salmon snorted and set moving. I smiled, thinking of Mr Favor.  
"Damn it!", I quietly cursed. "Why can't you just get out of my freakin' mind?"


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elissa managed to join the drive. But, what is going to happen now? And, will her plans succeed?

The evening camp was set down and I was warming up at the fire. A drover's work was really hard and though I'd only done it about a half day every muscle in my body ached.

"You're doin' mighty fine, boy." Wishbone, an elderly man with a whisker, was the cook of the drive. You could call him the "trail's mother", for he cared about everybody and especially Mr Favor.

"Thanks, Wishbone", I gave back and smiled.

Rowdy sat down next to me. His tall statue was slightly bend forwards and he shoveled some food into his mouth. I did it just the same way and stared into the flames but when I heard Rowdy move, I turned around. He had placed his plate on the ground and taken off his hat. Now he ran one hand through his tousled hair.  
"Y'know... I don't understand how such a young boy like you could want to be a drover... I mean... You..."  
I crooked a grin and sarcastically gave back: "Oh, yeah! I could've sat at home on my mom's lap and watched my pa working on the field. And in the evenings I would have had a warm meal and saying grace before eatin'. No thanks, Mister!"

Rowdy looked at me, kinda insulted. I smiled at him and he just frowned and turned back to the fire, as he put his hat back on his head.

"By the way... I ain't that young..."

"How old are you?", I heard a younger voice ask. When I turned around, I saw Mushy, the cook's louse, smile at me.

"I don't think, I wanna tell that."

"Well, why not, Mr?"

"Oh, because it ain't any o' yar business."

"I think, Mr Favor won't be happy if he heard you refused to tell us about your age, boy", Rowdy aknowledged a little threatening.

I jumped up and clinched my hands to fists. "I don't care what Favor likes or not!"

Rowdy got up too. Now his body towered mine by about one foot. "You should start caring. For if it doesn't matter to the boss, it matters to me!"

I shouted: "I ain't afraid of you, ramrod! You're just a fat mouthed idiot! Nothin' more!"

Rowdy's eyes sparkeled in anger, as he grabbed my collar and hissed: "Careful, what you say!"

"Alright! That's enough Rowdy!", I heard the trail-boss calling. To my surprise, Rowdy immediately let go of me.

"So, that's about it, eh? You care about what he sais...", I grinned. Maybe, I shouldn't have done that, for Rowdy pushed me against the shoulder, so I fell back into the dust, and walked off. His facial impression said, that he felt really offended and ashamed for what happened and what I said.

"Now everybody turn in! And I don't wanna say that twice!"  
Mr Favor's mood didn't seem to be so good, neither.

I slowly got up and brushed the dust of the shirt, that Wishbone had given to me, walked over to the supplywagon and took my bedroll out.  
A little aside from the camp, I laid down and took the wanted post out of my pocket.   
The description of the man said: Tall, lanky, big nose, dark hair. Deep voice.  
I yet hadn't realized, but the name that stood under the description was...

Gil Favor walked up to me and I hid the mark quickly.   
"See, I can understand if you don't want to make friends with anybody, but I expect you to, at least, stay away from trouble. And near camp, where I can watch you."

I looked up at the trail-boss, who stood beside my bedroll.

"Why do ya wanna watch me? Don't you trust me? Think, I could rustle cattle or what?"

Mr Favor shook his head. "See, I think Rowdy has a point. Why should someone like you want to become a drover?"

"As I already explained to Rowdy, I don't want to live with my family!", I gave back in a stubborn tone.

"Boy, what are you doin' out here?"

I smiled sarcastic. "I don't think, that's any of your business!"

The boss's voice rose.  
"Well, I think it is! If you, out of no matter what reason you're here, should harm one of the boys, or lose one of the cows, you'll have a fight on your hands!"  
Mr Favor turned around and walked off.

I called after him, in a stubborn voice: "Goodnight, Mr Favor. Sleep well!"

The truth was, I felt bad! I felt as if my chest was crushed under a rock, that was man's high. How could this guy, I did only know since a half day, make me have a bad concious like that? I owed nothing to him, so why did I feel that way?

I didn't want him to see, that I actually obeyed his orders, so I waited until I could be sure that anyone was asleep, until I moved closer to the camp. Somewhere near the remuda I laid down. With Salmon at my side, I could sleep good, for I knew, he'd protect me. He wouldn't let anyone come close to me, nor would he disturb my sleep, unless he absolutely had to.

I was laughing as I rode through the prairie. I turned around and looked into her smiling face, her long, black hair flying in the wind. As waves around a rock in the creek, just more beautiful and kind. Her hand grabbed mine and she pulled me down from my horse. As I fell down into the soft grass, she laid down next to me. Her eyes fixed mine and as our lips locked, it was the most wonderful moment in my entire life. But it shouldn't last for too long. Suddenly I tasted blood in my mouth. Her eyes stared at me in shock, before every sparkle vanished. Dead eyes stared at me.

Salmon snorted loudly and I rose out off my anyways slight sleep, my hand instinctive reaching for my gun. When I raised it up into the air, it pointed at Mr Favor.

"Are you alright?", the trail-boss asked.

"Leave me alone!", I gave back, all my anger and sadness collected in this words.

Against my expectations, Mr Favor didn't get mad at me again. His gaze was concerned instead of angry and his voice stayed calm, as he said: "You should go ahead and sleep a little more. Today's gonna be tough."

I shook my head. "I can't sleep anymore..."

Mr Favor sat down on the ground next to me. "Why that?"

"I don't see, why I should tell you." I guessed that my stubbornness would make him go away, but I was mistaken.

"I don't see why you shouldn't..."

I clinched my hands around the blanket. "It's none o' yar business!"

"Well, it becomes my business, when one of my drovers falls out off his saddle because he is too stubborn to sleep."

"Leave me alone!", I growled angrily. Why couldn't this trail-boss just go away?

Mr Favor shrugged. "If you insist. But always keep in mind... I'm there for you, if ya need to talk."

I spat back a "Piss off!", before turning around on my bedroll and staring against a tree. My eyes slowly felt with tears again and I felt as if I'd have to vomit, when I felt a warm hand, resting on my shoulder. 

"I told you to stay away", I said in a stubborn voice, though I actually wasn't sure, if I really wanted him to go.

Mr Favor slowly removed his hand and I heard as he slowly got up and walked away. Now tears began to roll down my cheeks. Everything inside me was burning and what I really wanted was to close Mr Favor in a tight embrace and never let go off him. 

Mr Favor walked up to Wishbone, his thoughts running wild. He wouldn't know what to think of this boy, though he was commonly quite good in reading people's minds. The trail-boss sighed. "You know, Wish... I can't figure him out..."

The old cook grumbled a "No wonder...", before focussing back on the breakfast, he was making.

Mr Favor grabbed a biscuit, then looked up. "You have something against him bein' here?"

Wishbone shook his head. "Oh no... I just think, he'll cause trouble. Bad trouble..."

"You've become a gypse, Wish?", Mr Favor chuckled. 

Wishbone gave his boss and old friend an angry stare. "No! I just got this feeling in my guts! It's no good that he's here!"

Mr Favor's voice pitched up. "You begin to sound like Hey Soos! Now look! We got a herd to drive! If you wouldn't mind to stop telling such things? At least... Don't mention it to our wrangler. He might come up with some horror tales again... And we don't want that, do we?"

"No, we probably don't..."  
Wishbone rolled his eyes and pouted as he walked over to a pan. With his tall wooden spoon he began to cause loud, stirring noises.

"Everybody wake up! Sun's laughing!"

I sat up and rubbing my eyes I realized Rowdy rolling around and sitting up in his bedroll. As he gave me a threatening stare, I rolled my eyes and turned away.

"C'mon! Get up!", the trail-boss called chewing on his biscuit. "We gotta make some miles today!"

#

#

The sun burned down from the sky and the sweat began to run down my temples in streams as we set the noon camp. We rounded up the herd, then rode in.

As I tried tying down my horse, Mr Favor rode up. His black stallion snorted slightly as he jumped down his back and tied is rein around the rope of the remuda, just next to Salmon.

"How are you doin'?" The trail-boss's deep voice caused tickles in my stomach. He stood so close to me that I even felt his breath, slightly flowing over my forehead.

I nodded slightly. "Oh, I'm doin' fine. Ain't too hard to get into the cowbusiness, I think."

"You are an exception there..." Mr Favor chuckled. "You have a pretty good horse."

Smiling at this statement, I replied: "I broke him myself"  
I pet my stallion's neck, and tried not to stare at the tall cowboy standing so close to me.

"That's mighty impressing", Mr Favor said, his voice getting a calm tone. "Say... What did you make a drifter?"

I shook my head, but this time I didn't give back anything sassy or mean. I kept silence. "I hope you know, that I'm always there for you."

"Yes, you said so... I just... I don't wanna talk about it..."

My voice broke down and I stared at Salmon's mane. It was so beautiful and gave me the feeling of being home. The only thing in my whole life, that made me feel at home.

Behind me, I heard Mr Favor taking a deep breath and leaving. Probably to get himself some food.

Now Rowdy walked up to me. Why the hell couldn't I just be left alone? 

"Whatcha want?"

Rowdy scratched his cheek. "What are you doin' here, boy?"

"What do ya mean?"

Rowdy chewed his lower lip and took out a sheet of paper. "You seemed to be suspicious, and so I searched your bedroll. See what I found..."

I felt the anger stirring up in my chest. "It's none o' yar damn business!"

"It is, boy! It sure is!"

"Just fuck off and leave me alone!"

"You're a dirty bounty hunter! Not more!"

"Just shut the fuck up!"

Until now, the drovers had crowded up around us.

"I won't!", Rowdy called back angrily. "You just stop acting like you were better than we all together! Cause you ain't! You're a stinkin' rat that deserves to be treated like one!"

I collected some saliva in my mouth and spat it into Rowdy's face.

The ramrod's fist hit my jaw, and I fell back into the dirt. Rowdy grabbed my shirt's collar and tried to hit me a second time, but this time I blocked. His head snapped around as I had taken a swing. Now, both of us laying on the ground because his hand still had been clinched around my shirt, the fight went on. I was at the top of him, working his face with my fists, when he pulled on his legs and kicked me away. I hit the ground and before I could do anything else, I felt two pair of hands grabbing my arms and pulling me on the feet and a horrible pain ran through my shoulder.

I realized, the same had happened to Rowdy. Mr Favor and Pete helt him, Quince and Scarlett me tight, so we couldn't hit each other again.

"Hold it right there! Both o' ya!", Mr Favor called, as Rowdy tried to tear away. His voice was scratchy as the ramrod shouted: "This little bug is a bounty hunter!"

"That's enough Rowdy!"

I saw how the ramrod finally managed to shake off Mr Favor's hand and I coughed up as his fist hit my stomach. My sight began to turn foggy because of all the pain that flooded my body, as Mr Favor's deep voice interrupted the happenings.

"Jo! Jim! Let him go!"

The two men, who had stood there completely perplex, at first didn't react at all.

"I won't say it twice!"

I felt their hands let go of my arms and slumped down, still coughing and holding my belly.

"Alright! You've had your fun! No get the herd movin'!", I heard Mr Favor call.

I looked up and saw Rowdy walking over to the horses. With all strenght, I had left over, I jumped up and hit him as hard as I could. Then I fainted again, the pain in my shoulder taking ahold of my concious.

The last thing I heard, was Rowdy shouting in pain and the loud stomping of horse hooves.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now, that Rowdy is hurt and Elissa discovered, things get even more complicated...

"You! Wake up!"

Someone shook my shoulder harshly and I tried to open up my eyes. I managed to get a clear sight from my right one, but my left eyelid was so swallen, it sent rushs of pain through my head, when I tried moving it.

Wishbone bowed over me and ran a wet cloth over my bruised face. The rest of the camp seemed to be asleep.

"Whassup?", I murmured, not even figuring what could be the matter, when I remembered the fight.   
"Ah!", I hissed and winced slightly, my chest tensing as Wishbone moved my shoulder.

"That's what's up", he announced. "An' that ain't all."

I clinched my left hand into a fist, not able to move my right one without sending shivers of pain through my arm and shoulder.

"What happened?"

"Seems like it's discolated", Wishbone grunted. Then he shook his head and fixed me with a much more gentle look than I had expected.  
"Why didn't you tell someone, you are a woman?"

"What?" I tensed and instinctive tried to reach for the gun, who was supposed to be on my hip. But -as I should have expected- it wasn't there.

"Well, I was just wondering what a woman would do on a cattledrive. Especially as a drover. And I thought, there must've been a reason."

I raised my eyebrows, as good as I could, with a face as swallen like mine, and replied: "You saw the paper, didn't you?"

The old cook rolled his eyes. "I didn't mean that. Just, a girl in your age, running through the plains with nothin' but her sixgun and wanted signs seems like a pretty lonely and dangerous thing to me."

A snort came through my nose and I chuckled sarcastically. "And an old man as a cook on a cattledrive, bossed around by a stubborn fool, who ain't even able to keep his childish ramrod in line, seems like a bad joke to me."

Wishbone's gaze went darker again. "So, if that's what you think", he grunted and turned away. 

"Hey, uhm..."

He turned around and looked at me. I saw exactly how he tried to hide his worry by staring angry at me and snapping: "What's up?"

I cleared my throat, managing not to make my vulnerability too obvious. "I just wanted to ask how Yates is."

The cook glanced over at the ramrod, who laid only a few feet away from me, but didn't reply at first. You could see that he was struggling about the way to answer. After a few seconds, he broke the silence, but not by responding to my question. "You know that I'll have to tell Mr Favor about you?", he half asked, half stated.

My eyes widened in shock, but I slowly nodded. "I guess, I do..."

He sent a slight smile at me. "Now, sleep a little. Gotta be well as soon as possible."

#

#

"Her arm looks pretty bad, Mr Favor. Shoulder seems to be discolated."

I opened my eyes just slightly, letting some of the dawn sun's light catch my pupil. I saw as the trail-boss nodded in respons to Wishbone's statement. Worry clearly audible in his voice, he asked: "What about Rowdy?"

Wish sighed. "Four or five ribs are busted, he has a whump on his head, hopefully no concussion, and his leg seems to be badly sprained."

Mr Favor inhaled slowly before asking in a calm tone: "Will he make it, Wish?"

Wishbone lowered his head slightly. "I don't know, boss. I'll sure do anythin' I can to bring him through, but I can't promise."

I moved slightly, but as my shoulder ached terrible I moaned in pain.  
Mr Favor who had just placed one hand on Rowdy's forehead realised, I was awake and turned around giving me an angry stare.

"I don't know what should keep me from giving you a hiding", he groaned through his teeth.

I bit my teeth and clinched my hands into fists. Although I answered in an almost non audible voice: "Right now... I can't think of one thing..."

Mr Favor snorted angrily. I was able to make out the fear and hate that was written on his face, but there was also something, I couldn't read.

The trail-boss ran one hand over his face. "What's your name anyway?", he asked, strictness in his voice.

I gulped slightly. So, Wishbone has told him already, I thought, giving a slight frown. "I'm Elissa Faulkner. I..." I took a deep breath and kept silence.

Mr Favor nodded slightly. "So, what are you doin' out here?" he asked. "Beside, hunting my men, I mean", he added, a sarcastic tone in his deep voice.

"Don't think, that's any o' your business."

His voice rose, as he snapped: "I already told you, and I won't do it again! If one of my men gets hurt because of you, it becomes my business. And yesterday it did!"

I gulped. "Guess so...", I replied though.

"And now, listen to me!", he told me, calm but threatening. "As soon as you get better, you'll leave the herd and never return, understand?"

I nodded, my eyes starting to flood with tears. "I've never wanted to hurt someone", I gave back, my voice slightly shaking. 

I could clearly see how he tried to keep calm. He worried his lower lip, then told me in an icy tone: "You just be careful. That's all, I'll say. If Rowdy dies, I can't guaranty for your life anymore."

The trail-boss turned around and started walking off, but I called after him: "Mr Favor!"

He snorted angrily as he turned back to me. "What's the matter?"

"I... I wanted... I..."  
All air seemed to have vanished out of my lungs and I couldn't bring out a clear tone.  
The trail-boss turned away again and left.

"I'm sorry", I at last whispered, when Mr Favor already was out of sight.   
I had even forgotten about Wishbone, who had stood near me and the boss all time. Now he looked at me, a frown on his face.

"Now you got yourself into bad trouble", he exclaimed. 

I snapped my head around. "What do you care?"

"Just warnin' ya", the old cook grumbled and turned back to Rowdy.   
As I managed to take a short glimpse at the injured ramrod, my heart seemed to stop beating for a moment and I gasped.  
Rowdy had bruise over his entire forehead, and his leg definetly was at least sprained. Now I began to understand why Mr Favor was so angry. If Rowdy's ribs were broken, like Wishbone said, the ramrod might die. I knew that too good, for I had seen something like this happen before. "And it'd be my fault", I whispered to myself.

"Huh?", Wishbone gave back, thinking I had tried to talk to him.

"Will... Will he make it?", I asked in a silent tone. 

"I hope so", the cook replied. "For him... and for you!"

I closed my eyes and recaptured what had happened. Rowdy, calling me a rat, the fight, Quince and Scarlett... And then the horsehooves. Shouting, screaming...  
The picture of my dead girlfriend showed up in my mind again and I tasted blood in my mouth. I tried to get away under the dead body, but wasn't strong enough to shove it away. I panicked as suddenly hands grabbed me end pulled me on my feet. "Leave me alone!", I shouted and threw my arms in the direction of a second man, who came close, too close, to my face.

"Damn it! Wake up!", I heard somebody calling, like out of a deep hole. A slight pain ran through my cheek, and I heard a slapping sound, unable to make out a connection. But the pain was enough to make me open my eyes realizing that I was hitting everything around me.   
Mr Favor, who had tried to fix my arms with his hands had a slight stream of blood running down from his nose.  
I was still trying to fight his hands off. My mind recaptured the terrible last seconds of my girlfriend's life that had turned me into a bounty hunter.

Mr Favor's hands now got ahold of my wrists and he helt me calm as good as he could.  
"Hey! It was just a bad dream!", he called as I almost hit him again. 

I shook my head, harsh- and quickly. "Not a bad dream! It was a nightmare!", I then shouted as respons and teared the wrist of my healthy arm out of Mr Favor's grab, hitting him hardly against the jaw. He grabbed my wrists again, this time much tighter.

"You be careful", he hissed, then added in a calm tone: "Look, I was just trying to help ya."

I turned my head away, trying not to meet his eyes. My cheek was burning as hell. "You just leave me alone." Glancing around me, I saw some of the crew members watching me. "All o' ya!", I shouted and tried to tear away even harder. I was scared.   
The hands around my wrists just scared the hell out of me.

Against my expectations, the trail-boss nodded, but you could clearly see the reluctance in his eyes. As soon as his hands let go of me, I relaxed again. I tried to figure out if he felt sorry for slapping me, though he'd probably only tried to wake me up and earned a bloody nose, or if he wanted to find out about me. Anyways, he turned around and walked off, sending a worried glance over to the still unconscious Rowdy. 

"All right! We got a herd to move!", he called out and swung up on his horse. 

When the men were gone, I looked at Wishbone, who gave me an angry stare. "You stop acting like this!", he grumbled. 

"Like what?", I gave back.

"Like a little child!"

I pouted. "I ain't actin' like a little child! I just don't think any of my past is your concern..." I paused, realizing how unmature I must have sounded. "Alright, maybe I am, but that's not the point!"

"Oh, it sure is. Since you came here, you've been causin' nothin' but trouble. And now, if you don't want to get fired straight away, you just listen to me. First of all, stay away from trouble! Second, as soon as your shoulder is good again, get up in your saddle and work the hell outa you. And third, never disobey one of Mr Favor's orders!", Wishbone ranted.

I laughed slightly. "He fired me anyways. Didn't you hear him say that I am supposed to get outa here as soon as I can ride again?"

"Yes, I heard him say that. He changed his mind, though. So, if you don't wanna lose this job see that you do it good!"

I rolled my eyes, but as my gaze captured Rowdy, who was sweating and rolling from one side to another in an unsteady sleep, I had to gulp. "I'm really sorry", I said. "I don't know how this could happen."

Wishbone grunted and turned away. 

"Say, can you maybe fix my shoulder?", I asked now.

"Alright, I'll try."  
Just as the cook wanted to tell me to take my shirt off, so he could take a look at my shoulder, he hesitated. Then he took his knife and carefully cut up the seam of my shirt's sleeve.

As he ripped it off, he gasped. My skin, that had been ripped up again during the fight, was bloody.  
"Why didn't you say something?", he asked again as he wetted a bandana.

I bit my teeth, when it touched the wound. "Didn't think, you'd bother."

He rolled his eyes, but then stopped cleaning the wound. "Now, if you wouldn't mind to tell me, how it happened?"

I shrugged, then tensed again. "Li''l' disagreement with some outlaw. He threw his knife, but I was faster."

"He don't seem to 've had such a bad aim, though", Wishbone gave back.

"Reckon so", I snickered.

"Might hurt a bit now", he announced in his most serious voice.

I helt my breath as he laid his hands on my shoulder and winced when he, with one fast move, brought my shoulder joint back into it's ankle.

"When can I get to work again?", I asked.

"As soon as this wound of your's healed up", the cook replied, and started wrapping a bandage around it.

He slowly walked over to the ramrod, and with Mushy's help, took Rowdy up and bedded him into the supplywagon. 

"Climb up here", he told me and pointed on the seat next to him.   
Mushy took his place on the coach box of the chuckwagon.  
In this constallation, we got going, not guessing that the trouble had only started.

______________________________________________

Thanks to LucySeth, who helped me really much improving my writing and gave me ideas for this chapter! Thank you very, very much!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now, what do you think, is happening next? And, what is the reason, Mr Favor even kept Elissa on?  
> If you wanna find out, read the next chapter. ;)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally, everything turnes out, but still leaves things open...

For a couple of days I tried to avoid Mr Favor as good as I could. Also I avoided the sight of Rowdy, who, like Mushy told me, was getting better. That was all I needed to know.

My shoulder was healing very fast, so at the end of the third day, I was sure, Wishbone would allow me to get back to work.

I sat on a little rock a few feet away from camp and stared at the fire, my empty plate resting on my thigh, a cup of steaming coffee in my hand. Why am I still here? Why didn't I just kill the man, I wanted and then took off? I glanced over to him. Tall, dark haired, big nose...

"You all right, Mr Faulkner?", Mushy's voice interrupted my thoughts. 

A feeling of happiness rose in my stomach. So, Mr Favor ain't told them about me yet. I gave a slight smile. "Yes. I am."

"Glad to hear that." Mushy stepped from one feet to another, shifting slightly, seemingly nervous. 

"Now, let's have it Mush", I said teasingly.

He took a breath, then mumbled his text down very fast. "I... I wanted to ask you, if you'd join us in the camp. Mr Wishbone sent me. Said, Rowdy wanted to talk to you, and then Mr Favor asked, where I'd go and then told me to tell ya, that, when you finished talking to Rowdy, should join us."

I shook my head. "Oh, no, Mushy. They wouldn't like me to join 'em... I..."

"Oh yes, they would, Mr Faulkner. They said, they knew it wasn't all your fault what happened."

"All right, all right, you won..." While getting up, I chuckled and shook my head. This cook's louse could drive one crazy.

When I got over to the wagon, Rowdy laid in, I got unsure if this had been the right decision. The young ramrod had his eyes open but still seemed very dizzy. And he sure wasn't in a behavior, Wishbone would usually let him talk, if it wasn't important.

"Hey... Rowdy...", I said, then realized that I sounded way too girlish. "Uhm... What's up?", I added quickly.

"I..." Rowdy gulped. "Wish... Wish told me b-bout you. I... w-wanted to apologize..."

My eyes filled with tears and I tried to blink them away. "No, that was my fault. Only cause I'm a girl it doesn't mean that you were wrong." My voice sounded hard, somehow strange in my ears, but Rowdy just nodded and laid back closing his eyes.

Wishbone came over to me now. "What's he been saying?"

"Tried to... apologize..."

He raised an eyebrow. "What did ya say?"

"Said it... it wasn't his fault. Only cause I'm a girl... I don't get that, Wishbone. Why would I be treated differently, just cause I'm a female?"

A frown hushed over his face. "Well, wouldn't you be a female, Mr Favor wouldn't have kept you on. Though he'd never admit it, but he took a like on you. Sais, he wanted to watch your moves..." The cook shook his head. "He don't want you to live this life anymore, and that's the truth! All he wants is to give ya the chance to start somethin' new. And now, I'll tell you somethin'! If you don't make somethin' outa that opportunity, I'll track you down an' make you live a proper life!"

"You care about him, don't ya?"

Wishbone seemed confused, but I knew that he wasn't half as puzzled as he pretended to be. I knew that he was worried about Mr Favor, aswell as I knew that the trail-boss was worried about Rowdy.

"C'mon. I'll give ya a plate of stew an' you get over to the fire, all right?"

I rolled my eyes. "'kay... If ya insist..."

A few seconds later I sat near the camp fire on a small log, shoving stew into my mouth and listening to the stories, the men told

"An' then, I blew him the lights out. He was unconscious for three days. An', you know what the sheriff said: 'if ya go ahead like this, an' get every outlaw fast like this, I'll lose my job.' An' then he fired me. Just like that."

"Well, I heard the story different", Joe Scarlett commented Jim Quince's tale with a laugh.

"Didn't hear ya tell somethin' better", the whisked man replied.

"What about you, Señor Walton?", Hey Soos jumped into the conversation. "You haven't told a story as the only one of us."

The tall, black haired cowboy, the man with  the big nose, the one I wanted, blinked. "Haven't I?"

"No, Señor, you haven't", the wrangler assured.

"All right. Now, I'll tell ya my story. Then you can decide, wether it's true or not."

"Sounds fair enough", Mr Favor's voice suddenly said. He had been silent until now. And, the truth was, there were three people who hadn't told a story yet. Walton, Mr Favor, who never got asked to do so, neither, and I. The girl-dressed-as-boy drover, the one with the probably most capturing and tragic backstory in the whole camp. But I wasn't asked, and I hoped, I also wouldn't be.

"Well, then I'll start. You know, there was this girl, and we were neighbours. My younger sister and her were the best friends. Anyways, I got a like on her, always thought, she did too, cause somehow she was even more often together with me than with my sister." He took a breath. "Anyways, the reason why she was with me so often was, that she wanted somebody to talk cause... cause she was in love with my sister."

I gasped. What did he just say?

"Anyways... I... I told her, not to meet my sister anymore, but she just ran away. Later, I found my sister dead. In the same night, my house burned down. I could barely save my life."

I looked at my feet, clinching my hands into fists, as the men bursted out in laughter. 

"You mean, a girl loved a girl?", Quince called. "A thing as stupid as that I never heared!"

Walton shrugged. "Said, you have to choose yourself, wether you believe it's true, or not."

"It isn't!", a low voice interrupted the happenings. Low, but audible for everyone. Pearcing, hard as steel, and cold as ice.  
"You're a liar, Walton."

Walton's eyes widened. "What did ya just say?"

"I said, you're a dirty liar!"

"And you're a bounty hunter..."

Robert nodded slightly. "That also..."

Suddenly Walton's gaze looked as if he panicked and his hand reached for his gun, sure, that he would get the boy.   
His hand, with the gun in it, flew up and...

A shot rang out, and I screamed, cause the bullet hit the ground only two inches away from me.

"All right, break it up, you two!", Mr Favor, who still had Walton's wrist in his hand, called. 

"I've got my reasons!", Walton called. "This kid tried to kill me!"

"What are you talking about?"

I swallowed, then spoke up. "Not now. A few years ago."

Mr Favor took a good look at me, then let Walton go. "All right! Everybody, turn in!", he then called out. "We can't afford to lose any time tomorrow!"

The men walked off, and so did I, but not to bed down, but to ride away. Leave all memories behind me, that just had catched up with me.

"Elissa", a voice interrupted my thoughts.

My eyes widened. "You can't even be here", I answered to Walton. "You don't look like Billy, and he died in a fire, years ago!"

He slowly shook his head and reached for my hand, getting ahold of my elbow and pulling me closer. His breath tickled on my cheeks as he whispered: "Please, Elissa."

"Let go of me!", I called and tried to push him away with my free hand, but he grabbed my wrist and helt it tight.

"Please, listen to me, Elissa! I need you to listen to me!"

"And back then, I'd have needed you! You're help!"

"I couldn't know..."

"You destroyed my life!"

"I'm sorry. I didn't want to...!"

I exhaled heavily. "You're sorry? You... you... there's no apology for what you've done!"

Only now I realized that I was shouting. Not just that. My whole body was shaking, my heartbeat going fast. My breath was unsteady and everything started turning. Turning because of disgust and fear and anger. This man...   
I stumbled backwards and into a tree. I shifted around on the heel and ran into the darkness. Away. Away! AWAY! That was all I could think of.  
As I reached a rock, I slid down on it and wrapped my arms around my legs and buried my head in my jeans, that smelled after cows and horses. All air was vanished out of my lungs and I realized that my face was wet from tears. I started sobbing like my soul was going to be teared out of my heart. 

After a while, when all sobs were gone, I leaned back. Slowly, carefully. This man... Why...? Why this man?  
Suddenly I heard a sound and tensed up, my hand sliding down my thigh, to grab the gun in my holster... It still was gone.  
I cursed as the silhouette of a tall man appeared in the darkness. I grabbed a stone.

"Don't you come closer!", I shouted, the tears clearly audible.  
The silhouette moved a step forward.

"I told ya to stay away!"  
Without waiting for an answer I threw the stone, as hard as I could, in the direction of the approaching man.

"Whoa! Hey! 't's just me!", I heard a deep voice call.

"Who's 'me'?", I gave back, picking up another stone. "And better answer fast. Otherwise, I'll aim better this time."

"Gil Favor!", the voice called. "Listen! I'll come over to you, all right?"

I dropped the stone, but still was tense. "You alone?"

"Yeah, I am", the trail-boss answered without hesitating. 

"You promise?"

"Yes!"

I slid down on the ground again. "All right. You can come!"

After a while I heard approaching feet and the sound of Mr Favor, crouching down next to me.  
"You... all right?", he asked, his voice sounding gentle and hesitantly.

I gave a slow nod. "Y-Yes, I am."

I heard him sitting down and leaning his back on the rock. "Didn't sound like it."

"Didn't sound like any o' yar business neither."

Mr Favor breathed heavily. "It is my business, if one of my drovers runs out into the dark all alone."

I didn't reply on that. "Say... why didn't you tell the men about me?"

I felt the slight movement of Mr Favor's shoulders, as he answered: "I thought it would be easier for me to keep an eye on you, and watch your moves, if you wasn't surrounded by twenty men, who all wanted to be with the only woman in a hundred miles."

I nodded. "Makes sense."  
Now I turned around to face the trail-boss. "And... did you just come after me out of the same reason? Cause, you wanted to watch my moves?"

He shook his head, just slightly, and almost not visible in the pale moon's light.

"So... then why did you?"

He run one hand over his face, then looked at me. "Because I want to help you."

I snorted. "You can't. You won't even understand."

He shrugged. "You won't know, till you tried."

"If you insist... Doesn't matter anymore, anyways..."  
I took a breath. The air smelled after the cattle and the wet prairie grass, but there was also the slight scent of smoke in it. The smoke of the cigarillos, Mr Favor always had.  
"It began with this girl, Lean... She was the younger sister of my best friend, Billy. You know...", I lowered and shook my head. "Like Walton said... I..."

Mr Favor laid one hand on my shoulder, but I tensed away. Quickly, he pulled his hand back. He didn't have to say anything. I somehow felt, he wouldn't judge me, so I went on ahead.

"I... I kinda... I fell in love with her. However, there were some guys in town who didn't like it and... well... seemed like Billy didn't appreciate it neither. So... when they asked him... he told him, where we were. He didn't figure..."  
I felt a tear rolling down my cheek, but inside there was nothing. My heart seemed completely numb, as I said: "They killed her and... and they raped me. Said, if I'd... do it with a man, I'd get normal again."  
Silence. Again. Only my sobs broke it from time to time.  
"Later, it turned out what they'd done and... and when they escaped, they got wanted. There was a bounty for 'em. Dead or alive. I chose dead."

Mr Favor said nothing, so I took a breath and went on ahead.

"I thought, I'd have gotten my revenge, but when... When I found out... w-what Billy had done, I... I burned down his house and he... I thought he died, but apparently, he didn't."

"So, you mean...?"

I slowly nodded. "Walton... he..." I closed my eyes and breathed heavily. "Mr Favor, I... I'm scared", I finally admitted, my heart dropping because I was afraid of his reaction.

Gil was too shocked to say anything. He just wanted to turn the time back and make all this undone. He thought about laying a hand on her shoulder, about embracing her, being close to her. He wanted to hold and protect her.  
But he wasn't going to do that. She had to be afraid of every contact after what had happened to her. 

I stared into the darkness. For a moment I could feel a tension building up between the trail-boss and me, then I heard him slowly getting up. "You... You're welcome, if you want to come back to herd..." He walked off.

Now, everything around me was darkness...


End file.
